Mid-Campaign Report: UFL 2025

Battlehawks 3-2, Tied 2nd XFL Conference

KA KAW, my friends!

First off, my apologies for missing last week — I was on vacation and of course didn’t plan around my posting schedule. Not to mention, that Week 4 game was pretty depressing, amirite guys?

So, this midseason review will cover both Weeks 4 and 5, and we’ll also look ahead at the rest of the season.

Week 4

• Fuck Dean. The Wilkins injury was bad enough. And while I’ll always defend the league’s policy of defaulting to “swallowing the whistles” on potential turnover scoring plays — it’s annoying AF in That Other League when the fucking refs blow it dead and your team had a clear Pick-6/Fumble-6 opportunity, only to discover that the refs were MISTAKEN — it’s also bullshit to to NOT overturn Arlington’s first TD scored off Wilkins’ injury. It was just plain obvious that Wilkins was down; and moreover, it’s bad form to allow teams to score off noncontact injuries.

• Fuck Dean (2). I don’t ever want to hear Dean say the words “bang-bang” again. This was NOT a thing in either of the XFL’s previous two seasons. Why the hell is he talking about this now and applying a brand-new made-up standard?
  
  I like that this league is different from That Other League, but it’s like they’re being really thirsty this year about how “No, Really Guys, We Are SOOO Different From That Other League!”, and it’s just not working for me.

• Depression sucks. The final score didn’t do this game justice. Despite the injuries and turnovers, we barely held on and only lost it in the last quarter… which is no excuse, but also something that just happens when you overrely on your defense for three straight quarters in your second straight game.

• Duggan was terrible in relief. It’s a good thing he picked up in the next game, but this one is going to keep me suspicious for a while until he establishes some good consistency.

Week 5

• This week was just an epic win all around. You gotta hand it to Michigan, they played hard. I hope we see them in the UFL Bowl!
  
  Special shout-out to Toa Taua. Dude was a baller and a problem all afternoon up until we stuffed him right at the end. And what a heartwarming story!

• Chill TF out on the Nacua thing. Let’s not make it more than it was. He got his punishment, there’s no need to involve cops. We are BATTLEHAWKS fans, dammit, which means we are tough and can take a hit like real men. It’s pretty bitchly to go whining about how the cops should arrest him or some shit. I try not to be political here, but this sort of nonsense is why people are always complaining about how litigious our society is. It’s why kids get arrested in elementary schools for getting in fights that no one would’ve batted an eye at 50 years ago. Let it go!

• Butler deserves to be playing in a real football league. But I sure am glad he’s HERE. I’m not saying we need to put his statue outside the BattleDome right now… but if he never gets his big break in the NFL and ends up playing his whole career here, I don’t see why he wouldn’t be a top candidate for our franchise’s first statue. Warts and all, he’s been one of the most consistently good players for our team!

• “They Know I’m Dangerous… They Still Scared” is even MORE priceless than dropping an F-bomb.

• Duggan was the most improved player this week.

• We got a LOT of breaks from the refs. If I were a Michigan fan, I’d have been furious. No wonder Nacua was tilted enough to slap that dude.

• Assuming he didn’t do any offensive shit to provoke it (like an N-bomb), that fan should get free lifetime tickets to any home game against either the Panthers or Nacua. That’d be a pretty epic troll!

• Saylors got the running game back up. I’m a little concerned about Howard, though; I hope that the upcoming games will give him some changes to reestablish himself as a power running threat.

• No offense to Blake Jackson, but we should NOT be relying on him so damned much.

• The OL played better with Beecham back! But it’s concerning that our OL depth has been basically exposed as lacking going down the stretch here. If anyone else goes down, my pessimistic prediction is that we struggle to end up with another 7-3 season and first-round playoff exit.

• The Faoliu loss is pretty sad. We need the rest of the front 7 to step up! They ultimately DID on Saturday, but not before they got gashed good and bad and had to stand tall at the end of the game.

• I feel bad for Perkins. He was the best QB on the field, and he still lost. It just goes to prove my thesis that this is a Running QB League. Front 7’s even on shitty teams are just too good for offenses on good teams to work without a respectable QB run threat. Passing and pass blocking are just harder than pass rushing!

Looking Ahead

• Week 6, ARL @ STL: This Friday is a revenge game. They got away easy in Week 4, and now the key to the game is Max Duggan. Can he build consistency? Can he stay healthy? Can he keep the big balls coming to Butler? What about Pearson?

• Week 7, STL @ MEM: If we don’t beat Arlington, this goes from a cupcake game to a must-win. The Floaties are right down there with the Fluffnecks and Brahmas as the shittiest teams in the league.

• Week 8, BHAM @ STL: BHAM is looking weaker this year, especially coming off a not-as-embarrasing-as-it-initially-looked loss to Memphis. And this is also our first chance to host them at the BattleDome! But we absolutely shouldn’t take this one for granted.

• Week 9, “The Brahmas’ ‘Home Game’”: Kind of reminds me of the unbalanced schedule from MLB. I wouldn’t be surprised if this team gets relocated/disbanded in next year’s expansion. It’d be funny if it weren’t just so sad. Clearly Dany Ramirez cares more about this league than her ex-husband, which is totally OK, but just kind of annoying that they never actually came out and said it. The good news is that attendance isn’t horrifically down or anything, and TV ratings are steadily improving. But the future still absolutely uncertain for now.
  
  Anyways, if we don’t win this one, we aren’t going anywhere in the postseason.

• Week 10, STL @ DC: I’m actually going to this one! Got some tickets with some friends next to the Beer Snake section, and will do my part to contribute to the proceedings. Watch for ya boy on TV!

Cheers, and here’s to an interesting Friday! KA KAW